(Check out the photo gallery for more photos and explanations!) Jerusalem, Jerusalem... Beautiful, and hot, full of language, full of culture and pretty patterns, amazing food, religion, shrines, tension and fear. Part I Beautiful and hot. It's greener in Jerusalem than I expected, though it is still definitely the desert- the sun is relentless! The land itself makes you want to never take your nose out of the bible. Surrounded by fig trees and olive trees, and looking out over the hills where once there stood shepherds tending their flocks, underneath your feet are the stone roads from King Herod, and the bath houses from what seems like a different world, narrow winding streets, walking into Jerusalem feels like walking into a city frozen in time. Inside Jaffa Gate there was a woman playing the harp, and the first thing the eyes land on to the right is David's Tower, grandiose and complete with a moat surrounding it, the sun glinting off the large white stone. The city of Jerusalem has been built and rebuilt, so it would not be completely accurate to tell you that I have walked the exact stones that Jesus walked, but I have walked where Jesus walked. A typical day looked like waking up around 7am and getting our team of 8 out of the house around 8am to drive 10 minutes into the Holy City. We stayed in an apartment in Bethlehem, which is in Palestine. Once we arrived in Jerusalem, we toured for most of the day, sometimes even right up until dinner. There were some exceptions when we attended lectures, or met with missionaries, or were traveling to further places like Nazareth and Galilee. I visited sites like David's tomb, the Western (Wailing) Wall, the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, Masada, Old Jaffa, Tel-Aviv, Mount Ebal and Gerizim, Mount Carmel, Meggido, and Jericho. I ate communion in the room of the Last Supper, climbed the Mount of Olives, walked the Via Dolorosa, and walked in the Garden Tomb. I walked through Hezekiah's Tunnels, and floated in the Dead Sea. I also visited the Dome of the Rock or Temple Mount. The Dead Sea is indeed as floaty as everyone says it to be, you can't really even stand up straight before your legs just pop right up. It is every bit as salty and bitter as well. It's in the middle of the desert, and the desert is a hot, hot, dry, thirsty place. I was holding a two liter of water in my hands, and just looking out at the place I felt completely parched. The city itself, like I said, feels frozen in time. Everything is white stone, and Jerusalem is multi leveled, with alleys leading this way and that, and half levels in-between and tunnels with narrow stair cases, littered with sacred sites for worship. The big churches have beautiful stained glass and gold and marble and designed carved into the high ceilings, everything is designed to show the immensity of the sacredness of that place. (Be it a church or a mountain or a street...) I decided to split up the whole Israel post into 4 parts, because otherwise it would be way too long to read in one sitting. SO, Parts 2-4 will also be posted in the next week. (You know...Isis, and eating at strangers' homes, visiting homes for children with special needs...etc.) Also if you don't know the story of God's money miracle in getting me to Israel [2000$ in 2 days], hop on over to my SUPPORT/DONATE page and check out God's crazy moves... PART 2 Full of language, culture, pretty patterns and amazing food. So. I don't know if this is a world renown fact or not, but mediterranean food is to die for. Especially when you are eating real authentic pita made by the piles at the street stands, fresh everyday. Pita is to the Middle East as tortillas and Siracha are to the Mexicans. I was completely in heaven as far as the food went in Israel. We ate a consistent diet of lamb/chicken shawarma, falafel, tabouli, schnitzel, grape leaves, baba ganoush, fresh vegetables, tahini sauce and of course, pita and hommous. When they serve you a meal in Israel, they will first bring out the pita, and about an entire meal's worth of other little plates of things you stuff your pita with. Hommous is the staple, and most basic, but there also usually are an assortment of sauces that I didn't exactly get the chance to identify half the time, but one bite, and I was crying, my entire face on fire. They like picante! (So do the Mexicans, I should be very used to it by now you'd think.) There would be plates of vegetables, various salads, and so on. By the time your entree came, it was possible to have stomached the equivalent of two pita sandwiches in appetizers. While I was there, falafel proved to be my favorite thing to order, and to top it all off, a hearty round of baklava. My compliments to the chef! The strangest thing I ate in Israel? You know, this outreach was a little different than others, where you usually do have lots of interesting, and sometimes hard to stomach stories. This trip was only 2 weeks, so less time for experimenting/experiencing. I did think that the bagged milk was a little strange though. I think that there must be every language in the world represented in Israel, more particularly Jerusalem, and Tel-Aviv. Being a language fanatic as I am, I couldn't even walk in a straight line, like, ever, because every new person I walked by, every corner I turned, I heard more language and as my head turned to follow my ears, so my feet turned to follow my head. I am fascinated by language, and I'm sure our outreach leader wished he had a leash for me. The official languages in Israel are Arabic and Hebrew, and unofficially- English. I had begun learning Hebrew before I left for YWAM, but I didn't get very far. Being there was being immersed in it, and like I said, I was fascinated. I love the way that both Hebrew and Arabic sound, and this was my first time in a country where I didn't know the language. Tel-Aviv is an extremely modern city, in fact, one of the most (if not #1) technologically advanced cities in the world. It is located right on the Mediterranean Sea and we made a couple trips out there during our trip. It's like a little space portal to the beaches in California, and it'c crazy because the culture feels almost the same there as a beach town in Cali, you know, girls in bikinis, and pretty cars riding Beachfront avenue, music, bars, and little shops. But walking along the beach, to your left you'll hear languages you've never heard in your life, nor could you even identify which part of the world they're from, to your right you see stone structures, forming the port that Jonah himself sailed from when he fled from God, and in the water, you've got jelly fish stinging your feet. Talk about "where am I?". In Jerusalem, you most definitely will not see girls with bikinis on. Yet it's filled with tourists from all four corners of the earth, and their cameras, blabbering in whatever language with each other. You'll see gypsies, and Indians, lots of Europeans and Asians, tall Africans, and islanders from the Caribbean. \ I do believe Israel is the center of the world. Then there are all the pretty garments, and world garb, and ancient jewelry, and authentic necklaces, and painted plates. I tell you the designs over there are bright, and beautiful. I wish so very much that I could wear things from all over the world here in my home town without seeming like a real crazy. I might in fact. Don't be surprised if you see me one day with a head wrap and flowy elephant patterned pants and and Indian wrap. Reds, and blues, and yellow and orange, and purple, greens and gold and white... Culture! Oh man I love culture. It's part of that burning to be in the world in my stomach. Culture is the most beautiful thing, and I absolutely love to love the humanity of it all, and the heart behind the eyes, the story beneath the skin. Israel is a very segregated state, and so there are really two cultures. There is Arab/ Middle Eastern culture, and Israeli/Jewish culture. They clash, yes, but we will get to that later. The Arabs are incredibly warm cultured on the whole, and will welcome you with cinnamon coffee and baklava. The Israeli's are not as warm, but still nice, and will welcome you with a blessing. There is an element of...'fully engaged', or 'down to earth' that I have found around the world that you don't see necessarily in the U.S., or in the Midwest. It's hard to explain, because it's the slightest thing, but I find it in the barks of the delivery man to his assistant in the streets of Jerusalem, and I find it in the boys that are crocodile hunting and hanging off the underside of a 30 foot bridge in Belize. I find it in the glint of sunlight off the taco man's knife while he dices carne asada at the speed of light and in the street vendor who pushes a wheelbarrow full of candy through the sand on the beach in Mexico. In Costa Rica it's in the boys playing soccer in the street calling out "Jale! Jale! Jale!" and the way the girls emerge all made up to flirt with them. In Palestine it's the man who jumped in our car with us and gave us directions to a different checkpoint on the last Friday of Ramadan, because only Muslims were allowed to pass through our usual one. He called out "Straight right! Straight right! Now left a little...STRAIGHT RIGHT!" He was so nice, and after he got out he asked for "10 shekel" per person in the car, including himself...(he just randomly jumped in our car mind you, we didn't ask for a helper guide...) The more I think about it, maybe its just humanity? Maybe it's community? Maybe a realization that as humans, we are not invincible. A willingness to get dirty, and a need for others, a need for relationships... Here the Midwest, if a crate fell off the back of a delivery truck, the cars behind would swerve around, and continue on their way, narrowly avoiding a crash, or at the very least, an inconvenience. I mean, would you see them stop, honk their horns and get out to help the driver get them out of the way, even if for no reason except to clear the road faster to get on with life? Do you walk into the supermarket, to get this weeks groceries, and hear all the vendors yelling their deals, and holding up their vegetables to show that theirs are best, come buy? I'm not saying that the culture around the world should be ours, but I'm more wanting to draw attention to the way we can go through our daily lives, fairly easily without interacting with people, without needing people, our phones, our cars, our computers, our money to the rescue. I mean, Jesus' life revolved around people. God set man and woman as the crown on his creation, and gave them dominion and authority. God loves people. People each carry individual pieces of God's heart, and He wants us to see him as clear as possible does he not? Our culture isn't bad. Every culture has it's good, and it's bad, and it's piece of God's heart, but I am referring to Kingdom Culture when I say sometimes it means a mindset switch. People are not an inconvenience, they are not a hold up, relationships not a time consumer or a check off the checklist. People are deep, and full of wonder, and relationship is vital to our beings, and essential to our view of God. All that (tangent) being said, maybe that's what I feel when I say, there's a 'fully engaged' about Israel, (and lots of other places). Narrow streets cause for honking just to signify you're rounding a corner, and frequent stops for delivery trucks, and camels. Pita is fresh daily, and there is a walk up window at the bakery. We were there during Ramadan, so there were parties late into the night, and the consistent call to prayer ringing out over the land. Tight traffic, small cars, open markets, horses, and the languages ringing over it all, There's a word they use in Israel all the time; בלגן Balagan: (n) Organized chaos. Or just chaos in general. PART 3 Religion, Shrines, Tension, and Fear. Where to even start. Jerusalem is so complicated. It's stunningly beautiful, and reverent. It is the center of the world, and of attention, and those who live there know it. Thats why they live there. It's more than important- It's divinely important, it contains the future and the past, and the hearts of the people whom God calls 'Beloved'. It contains the door through which the Messiah walked once, and through which He will walk again. It makes a difference when someone's reason for living a certain place goes beyond convenience and reputation, when in fact they don't care at all what anyone thinks except for Allah, Yahweh, or Jesus. They're committed and they're not leaving, they have divine calling to divine interaction. FEAR: Islam is built on fear. And anger. (Just more fear) We were staying in Bethlehem, which is in Palestine. Arab, and Muslim. (I love the Muslims. I do, so much. They are so warm and are full of faith.) The second day we were there in Israel, we received a notification that ISIS was in Palestine, and at the end of Ramadan they were going to kill every Christian in Jerusalem. Ramadan ended halfway through our stay. Fear. My first reaction was terror. As an American, all I've ever heard about Muslims is that they'll kill me, (not true), and as a christian, the most scary of all was ISIS. They are merciless and brutal. To top that all off, I was a missionary in a state where the government itself was against my being there. (Israel is working toward a purely Jewish state.) I was not allowed to communicate with friends or family that would network me with my organization, or even talk to anyone about anything related to what I was doing there from my location. That meant I just cut or kept communication to a minimum because I couldn't know what someone would send me. Even if I didn't say anything, maybe they would and the government would see that. Even then, it was less of a threat to me but more of one to the place I was staying, and they were the ones that would be there after I left, dealing with life if the government decided to have a problem. The spirit of Fear is so incredibly strong in Israel, and Palestine especially. Lets first talk about culture (it'll come back around, stick with me) I experienced the biggest culture shock going to the Middle East, than anywhere else that I've been. In the western hemisphere, we value life, and not sex. Girls wear almost nothing, and schools hand out condoms, expecting kids to sleep around. Our music is an audio sex scene, and if its not in the movie, then the movie isn't that good. BUT if you kill someone, thats an absolutely not. Jail time, and social uproar. We're afraid to die, and life is very very valuable. In the Middle East, they value sex and not life. Their women are covered completely (and robbed of their very most precious gift and part of God's heart; beauty) and they'll kill you for being to slow in the store. (It happened while I was there.) And its ironic because they don't even value sex. They don't value women. The men are still just as vulgar. It's humbling in a way, because growing up in the states, I value my life as something I have a right to, something important, something that should be valued by others. Truth is...I'm a drop in the ocean. In the same way that God champions each of us and gives up hope and a future, my life could end tomorrow. And God is way bigger than just me. The world is way bigger than just me, and it would go on without me, and that translates into-Bigger perspectives and I actually have nothing to give of my own. All that to say- knowing that they don't have a problem taking your life at any point in time yields to fear no matter which way you turn. All the sudden every man with an angry eyebrow seems like he could be your end, and even the gouging stares of the women undoubtedly condemning you for not having your head covered feels like attack, danger seems to be lurking in the possibilities of every situation. Unless of course, you're not afraid of dying. I wrestled with that, and didn't sleep well for a few nights. There was no "if this gets to dangerous our team is going to get on a plane and go home." We were staying. It wasn't a question of if but when ISIS would pound down my door and (did my mom know I love her?) when they asked would I...(and my community. What would they say? How would my sisters deal? I'm so close with my brother...) let them take my head? Was I scared? Absolutely. Yet under the initial fear, there was quiet deep seeping commitment. A deep devotion, a willingness to do anything for my King. A realization that my life is not my own. What an honor to die for what I believe, no-who cares what I believe, what an honor to die for the Gospel, and for Papa. A choice to hold on to nothing, including my own life. A revelation that this is what it looks like to walk as the Beloved. The walking as the Beloved invokes hatred from the enemy to the point of shredding my body to a meatball on a cross, and further if need be, whatever it takes to destroy me. I don't need to fight for me, I need only be still and let Him fight for me. I have that which cannot be taken. (Can't kill a dead man.) And do you know what persecution does? Refines faith. Builds the character of the church. Ignites desperation, because Jesus really is the only hope. ISIS ended up not following through with their threat, at least not that we saw while we were there, but by the time we finished our trip I wanted to stay. On the last night we listened to a formerly Muslim man give his testimony of conversion. When he chose to follow Jesus all hell broke loose on him; his family tried to kill him, he had to flee the country, he was under house arrest, his mother died and his family wouldn't let him come to the funeral, he spend time in refugee camps, the police are always after him, he gets death threats...and yet he works with a christian missions organization. When he was done talking I sat up and looked him in the eyes, and I said "Why did you do that? What was just so compelling about christianity that you wanted to walk through hell to get it? What is it about God that merits that?!" And he kinda was caught unexpecting and paused, then he responded "Your God is truth. He is love. How am I supposed to follow a God who says violence is good and hitting and killing is moving forward? Your God is love, and he speaks the truth." I sat in that chair long after everyone else had left, actually I was stuck to it. I. Will. Not. Stop. Giving what I have. These people here are starving, and dying of thirst. In the most beloved city, where the presence of God has physically dwelt, in the city where all of mankind was saved by a perfect sacrifice, in the city where Jesus is coming back to, the people don't know their God. I know you are going to kill me, but I can't stop, I won't stop. The man said another thing too. He said he figured out that his family was Christian before the caliph Omar (Muslim) came to take over Jerusalem 400 years ago, and changed the religion to Islam. When he asked his father why they were Muslin now, his father responded "We were afraid." RELIGIOSITY: Runs rampant. On every important historical or religious site there is a shrine. Example: The Holy Sepulcher is church that is quite literally split in half. Half of it is Catholic and half of it is Eastern Orthodox and the architecture literally is split down the middle and one side is of one influence and the other, the other. Why are they both so insistent? Within the confines of the church lie what both parties believe is the site where Jesus was crucified, the rock Jesus was laid on when he was taken of the cross, and his grave where he was buried...all together inside of this building. You walk in and its absolutely beautiful! Gold and marble, stone and staircases and candles. You breathe deep of incense and jingling enters your ears and you eye the bells on the bottoms of the censers that the priests are carrying and waving to cover you with incense. There are people praying to this rock. Crying and touching it and offering things to it crossing their chests. Lighting candles and whispering. Over the place where they believe Jesus was buried, there is a big shrine. Big. And everyone is waved with incense before entering. Now. I also visited the Garden tomb. Owned by protestants, its a beautiful place. But. I'm not trying to say which site is the correct site. I know which site is correct in my opinion but that isn't what my focus is in saying these things, my focus is the religiosity. Even if the Holy Sepulcher is the correct site, why the shrines? I don't need to pray to a rock to be closer to my God. The statues and the candles, the paintings and the stones, they start to eat at your spirit. They're empty. They point to how much money a church has, how incredibly holy they are, how reverent, and how God is going to have more favor on them for all their works. Every. Place. We. Went. -shrines. The church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, Mount Carmel, the Via Dolorosa. And it starts to take this sense of mourning to it. What was done to Jesus, to the early christians, to the disciples and apostles, the struggle... a heart starts to take that on, and I agree- Never Forget, but we're not there anymore! God is doing things here now, new things, close things and he's loving recklessly. It was weird- because I loved all the sites. It was reverent, and crazy to see things Jesus saw, it drew me deeper indeed, but like I said, I don't rely on those things for a relationship with my God. I can tell you I'm a christian, but I do not identify with the christians in Jerusalem at the Holy Sepulcher. So...that makes me...what? It's the same with the Jews- oh they make me cry. At the Wailing Wall, and in the tunnels, you see Jewish people pouring out their entire being on God. Rocking back and forth, bowing repeatedly, chanting, whispering, holding scripture close to their hearts, hoping for something, anything, to tell them He hears. You see women especially, tears streaming down their faces, and you can only guess about what their hearts is heavy, pouring their muchness on God. The Jews are so faithful, they hope so entirely in God, "Next year in Jerusalem" is what they say. And if not the next year then the "next year in Jerusalem". They don't waver. They don't look away. They trust his character, and choose to have no other option. We visited the Holocaust Museum. It's a terrible place, and if I've ever had panic and claustrophobia, it was there. The Museum started with Hitler's childhood, teenage years, and then his rise to leadership. It showed the gradual persecution of the Jews at first, and progressed on to work camps, and then to death camps. I walked through the room of shoes, the models of the gas chambers, the horrific videos, and my stomach was in my throat and my eyes were hot with angry and helpless tears. I was weak and persecution was all just completely real. What socked me in the stomach (heart) was a plaque at the end. We weren't allowed photos so here it is written out: "And Praised. AUSCHWITZ. Be. MAJDANEK. The Lord. BUCHENWALD. And Praised. TREBLINKA. Be. MAUTHAUSEN. The Lord. BELZEE. And Praised. SOBIBOR. Be. CHELMNO. The Lord. PONARY. And Praised. THERESIENSTADT. Be. WARSAW. The Lord. VILNA. And Praised. SKARZYSKO. Be. BERGEN-BELSEN. The Lord. JANOW. And Praised. DORA. Be. NEUENGAMMG. The Lord. PUTSOW. And Praised... I lost it. Lost. It. Even the words are cut off. The bodies, the fire, the screams, the executions, the brutality. Those names in capital letters are all death camps. I watched as they dumped truck loads of dead naked bodies, and they fell limp, limbs bent every direction. I saw children, I listened to the stories, from the little Jewish boys who's jobs were to use train tracks and dump the bodies of their friends, families, acquaintances, kinsmen into the never dying fire. The tears. Is this what a takes for a people to know their God!!?!?! Where was the church? Where are those Jews now? The ones who died without looking at the face of Jesus? What about their undying faith to their creator? Immediately after that we went to another museum exhibit type thing, and it traced the Jewish lineage all the way back to Abraham and Sarah. The Exodus, the desert, the promised land, the kings, the Promise. God. Is. Faithful. And I cried. I cried and cried. I can feel God's heart for his beloved. He hasn't left them, he has always been with them, and he jealously wants them back. And they desperately want him. But their religion stands in the way, and they won't look into the face of the Father [Jesus] to know that he loves them back, wants them back. They're caught up in their works. Study more, pray better, observe more holidays, keep ridiculous laws, stay within a dress code. They keep themselves under the Old Covenant saying bad behavior deserves punishment, and condemnation. You can't be close to God unless you are a certain way. Their law continues to abuse them and tell them they'll never get to Papa. On the cross Jesus screamed Mercy. He said "LEAVE THEM ALONE. I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP. I LOVE THEM. THEY ARE MINE, AND LOVE DOES NOT CONDEMN." , "Children drop it! I have loved you since the beginning, I haven't stopped, I haven't left you to abuse and struggle. Leave your shame and your guilt, I. Do. Not. Condemn. You. I have taken it and you are free. I am here to hold you, to be with you where you are, to walk with you and love you forward, look into my eyes and breathe. You are safe, stop striving, you can't change how much I love you positive, or negative. I hear you, I know your heart, I love you, and I will never leave nor forsake you. There is Mercy. There is Grace." Religion is the opposite of Relationship. TENSION: TENSION. Oh the tension. It's on all sides, it comes from all directions on multiple levels. A big one is the... +Israeli-Palestinian conflict, you know, the wall. I could go into that too, but lets just say Israel isn't innocent at all, and Palestine is not doing a good job dealing. So you have that- unhappy and volatile Arabs killing civilians in Israel. And because they're also muslim it makes Islam worse than matters are. +Within the religion of Islam as I mentioned- it's built off of fear and anger and that yields to terrible family dynamics. A lot a lot of family abuse, and men abusing women. +Three world religions claiming the same city and the same religious sites as sacred-whenever there are overlapping holidays or sacred days there are always fights. +JERUSALEM IS THE CENTER OF THE WORLDS ATTENTION AND THEY KNOW IT. Pressure. Always. +Every person there is living for their god and their god alone. And maybe their family. So they aren't always the most considerate of people, or loving others. In fact move, or I'll kill you. +Religiosity +Spiritual warfare is through the roof! The Golden Gate. The one through which Shekinah glory entered, where the Old Testament Jews would go and plead for Mercy, The gate through which Jesus entered on Palm Sunday, and the gate through which the Messiah is supposed to come again. It's in the Muslim quarter of the city. "The Ottoman Sultan Suleiman the Magnificent sealed off the Golden Gate in 1541. While this may have been purely for defensive reasons, in Jewish tradition, this is the gate through which the Messiah will enter Jerusalem and it is suggested that Suleiman the Magnificent sealed off the Golden Gate to prevent the Messiah's entrance. Blatant.
And this, is tension. PART 4 Jerusalem Jerusalem, how long before I can gather you again? Idolatrous city, my inheritance. Disgusting beauty Polluted purity, Were it that I could destroy you, to wipe you out of my sight, I would never have to see your shrines again, but alas, I cannot. I could never. For I love you, and I am faithful. I will always keep my covenant when you do not. How I long for my people. My chosen beloved. I am coming, and there is no tomb, brick, gate, or wall that can keep me from entering, because I AM. When I enter this world, everything bends. The entirety of the spiritual knows I have come, and for that, the earth holds her breath and withers. I am coming beloved, you who I detest. I love your heart, I hate your actions. I am coming to obliterate the spirits who torment you, the mindsets that bind you. Know beloved, that your judgement is your own. Your judgment is on your own heads. While you fight, and kill each other, while you seek and plan destruction, while you do not look into eachothers eyes, while each of you still bring me your ingenuine offerings, and in your hearts you still seek only yourself, while you continue to commit adultery, and you do not look into my face, you refuse me, and while you lay in the dust crying, moaning in aching and agony, unfulfilled, I am here. My hands are in the dirt and I am working this soil. I am he who loves you, and I am faithful to myself, and I am good. I have not forgotten, an have not left you alone, and I know the way Satan torments you, I know the laws you keep, I know your shame and your guilt. I know that you still do not know that I love you, and it hurts you. I am here. I am he who loves you. I am he who is faithful. I AM.
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Graduated!!!Bible School is finished! We ended with teaching a class at a local church on the inductive method of bible study- taking them through the steps, and each teaching our own book. It was phenomenal, and so so so impactful to teach God's word to his Bride. It's so bittersweet. It's nice to be done with the 24/7 work schedule, and the pressure of grades. It is the saddest thing on the planet to part with theses people whom I have grown so incredibly much with. We have made the most crazy memories, and our time together is marked by an unquenchable thirst and passion for more of Him. The bible course opened our eyes, and our hearts to the God we worship and our only reaction was to fall on our faces...always. We spent endless hours in the BCC classroom ranting about new revelations and praying, endless hours in the worship hall playing music and seeking him. There is comfort in the fact that we know that where each one of us is going, whether going home, staying to staff, or going to more missions, or schools- we are all walking in obedience to what God has for the future, staying in sync with what God's doing now instead of trying to prolong a moment that has already been. It's definitely a new season that we are walking into and it seems this just last one seems to have an extremely important key role in the building blocks of the coming one. THE NEXT STEP --> ISRAEL Getting to Israel is quite an ordeal apparently. God has told me explicitly that I am going. I have 2 days and my funds aren't in. I am about a third of the way there. Honestly I still need about $2,000. God repeats himself..."You're going. Period." About a month ago my funds were close to non existent, and I found myself asking God - "What. What do I need to do? Am I in the way?" He answered me "Turn in all the money you have (Can't get it back after it's turned in) and give. When, why did you stop giving?" So I obeyed. I turned my money in. And I donated freely to a few other missionaries here on my base who needed money for their schools. Did you know it's impossible to give what you don't have when you're acting in accordance with God? That time was just to get my hands open again with money. I mean...they were pretty open, but not quite all the way. There was still worry in the back of my mind...that is-mistrust that my God was able. Then, while we were learning the book of Acts, our speaker was talking about the spirit of Mammon, and the way that the early church were so reliant on God for...everything. We did an activity that went like this: "Ask God what to give, and to whom, and then give it." Could be your computer. Could be your guitar. Could be 3 dollars, could be $300. Could be a cup of coffee. Could be the ring from your great grandmother. How much do I trust God? How much of a hold does that spirit of mammon have on me, even if just in the back tiniest part of my mindset? A second time I realized, that it wasn't possible to give what I did not have. I always have. A second time I realized that I had unconsciously been holding back. It wasn't even out of a heart of stinginess, it was an honest attempt at being wise. If I know that I have a trip that God has called me to, and I don't have all the money for it, then I should not be dropping money like it grows on trees just whenever I see a need. I should be faithfully putting money in my account for the trip. Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." Hebrew 13:5 God is enough! God is enough...if I lose everything, I can not lose him. And He will never leave, or forget me. Do I believe that God doesn't lie? yes. So when God says that he is good, is He good? yes. Is God a God of 50%, 78%, 99%? no. 100%. So God is 100% good? yes. So. Is his provision good? yes. SO. Is there any need to worry, and try to work within my own abilities to save his money and make things happen for myself? No. Nope. Never. Okay, but there is a thing called wisdom and knowing when and where your boundaries are with money...there comes a time when you rein it in right?? MINDSET SWITCH! When is it ever seen in God's character not to bless WAY more than could ever make sense? When has he ever, ever held back because of the circumstances? When has he ever chosen not to bless over loving infinitely? My God's resources are endless, and for that, I always have. I always may give. I always may bless unnecessarily. I even had a vision: There was a table, and behind it was an extremely poverty stricken family. In front of the table there were lines of people who were giving different things. I was in the money giving line. When it was my turn to approach the table, I looked in my ratty bag and desperately wanted to give all my money to them but I couldn't, because I was saving for my Israel trip. As I stood there, it dawned on me, that God is endless and there was no need to worry. My worry was keeping me from being able to fully love, and God is a God of unrestrained, unreasonable, extravagant love. So I gave it all. Freedom from worry enables freedom to love. Without restraint. As it is now, there are two days until I need to have all my funds in and God says "Don't worry. And you know what else? Don't even be okay with not going." Okay God. So. To all of you people so beloved by God, pray about it- and if you feel like God is asking you to step into this big ordeal, and you want to bless me, you can visit https://ywamsdb.webconnex.com/Students It will ask you for my course/school and that is: BCC 2015 April Ensenada and then be sure to enter my name below as well. Thank you in advance. Other than that- Trust Him. With everything, because it's the sweetest thing. And because he is a good Father, and the King of an endless kingdom. And we share with Him in that. -Toryanna 16 years old, plays soccer, recently encountered a Good God.... This spring while I was staffing our Mission Adventures program I was able to translate and build a house with one of our youth teams for a family living in the colonials of Mexico. Lalo is the 2nd oldest of four kids, with an older sister, and younger brother and sister. He's 16, and plays soccer, and recently got his front tooth knocked out in a game. He was timid at first, and as he began to warm up, and talk a little more, he told me how since his accident, he doesn't even talk anymore at school, and if someone cracks a funny joke and he laughs, all the kids start laughing at him because of his tooth. As he was speaking I could sense his purity in his heart. At 16 years of age, he could be doing lots of things that kids with not too much money get into in Mexico, but he was serving his family, his siblings, and I could see the weight of responsibility on his shoulders. One of the team members, moved by God, moved by Lalo and his family, and moved by their poverty generously donated enough money for Lalo to get his tooth completely fixed! Did it hurt?? "No it was just a little annoying to keep my mouth open for so long..." Such a trooper. Aside from being able to provide Lalo with the dental work that he needed, another staff member from our base was able to provide Lalo's sister with a consistent well paying job, enabling her to get into medical school. She has wonderful grades in school, and had previously applied to enter into medical school, but they turned her away simply for her economic situation, and the fact that she could never pay for her school- they wouldn't even consider her. When we had finished the house and let the family go in, our staff member sensed that Lalo's sister had a dream- and when she was asked she responded through tears about being a nurse. They were able to provide her with a steady job, with good money to pay for her education, and even do it while respecting the family situation- and keeping her pay respectable, not far surpassing that of her father (so as not to cause family issues or other issues). God is awakening hearts, breathing crushed dreams back to life, making anything possible for his children, small and great alike, through his body, those who are heaven minded, and Kingdom Cultured. GLORY STORY. |